The other day, I can’t hear myself thinking. There was an incessant and discontinuous blasting outside. It’s over eleven o’clock. Who would furbish their home at this hour? I had it enough, and opened the door to give a friendly remind of the circumstance. It was old man next door banging the door. Fair enough, he wanted in. I closed the door immediately. On a second thought, I found it strange for him to knock the door for so long, why must he use the crutches? I reopened the door and asked him if there was anything I can do. I saw the old man almost every day. We lived in the top floor of an apartment without elevators. I carried my unicycle with me every day. Sometimes I saw him in the middle of the stairs. The stairs were actually wide for two people to pass, but the old man with his crutches always let me pass first. Sometimes he would rest a little and then continue his climbing. Anyway, as you can see from his breathing, he was not in good health.

He was drooling, and it was hard for me to comprehend what he said. To my great relief, he can clearly recall his daughter’s phone number. It took some time for me to dial the correct number. The saliva was split all over my phone and my hand as I hold the phone for the old man to talk to his daughter. His daughter said that she did not have the key either. She recommended the old man to wake up her mother, which was exactly why we called the old man’s daughter. The old man had knocked the door for quite some time. It seemed that the old man’s wife fell into hibernation. My roommate was also disturbed by this noise. He also came out, we called the landline in the house a few times in vain. It was quite unusual. We waited outside for a while, then came some relative of the old man. He took over the situation, my roommate and I went back.

The next day morning, I saw the old man in the stairs. I was curious about how he went in after all and the status of the old man’s wife. I was not curious enough to ask him personally. That afternoon, when I was back home from the workplace. I saw the next door was wide open. There was quite a few people, who presumably were the old man’s grandsons and his son-in-law. When I was to take my package out of the box, his daughter helped me open the box and asked if I borrowed the phone last night. She thanked me for that.

I was reminded of the movie Amour . The children flocked back on learning the illness of Anne. When Anne shortly came to herself, they had to go back to their own business, which, inevitably, overlapped little with their parents’ daily life. C’est la vie. There is not much we can do about it. 龙应台 nailed it on 目送

我慢慢地、慢慢地瞭解到，所謂父女母子一場，只不過意味着，你和他的緣分就是今生今世不斷地在目送他的背影漸行漸遠。你站立在小路的這一端，看着他逐漸消失在小路轉彎的地方，而且，他用背影默默告訴你：不必追。

Speaking of Amour, I’d like to add a few words about my own moral judgement. I, myself, would be grateful to him if I were in the position of Anne. Of course, I wouldn’t have any way to know Anne’s thought before her lost her consciousness. My impression is that Anne also thought Georges did the right thing. Alas, it is better to have a will before it is too later. I believe in death in diginity. I have no idea how this should be executed, but I support voluntary euthanasia staunchly.

There will be not so many occasions where there are some many people in the next door. It is a luxury for the old man and his wife to have so many people with them. Still, they are lucky enough to have their offsprings live nearby.

I went home last spring festival. It has been years since the last formal family reunion. I never realized my relatives and me’s 缘分 is so short. It’s only yesterday that I played around in my maternal-grandfather’s house in the summer holiday. Growing old, I became increasingly reluctant to visit my relatives. Besides the generation gap, I hated all those meaningless rituals. My maternal relatives are much vocal. They blamed me openly. It was the day before my leave, I learned that one of my aunties had been ill for long with different complications. She could not talk clearly now. Only god knows what would happen next year. My other uncles and aunties are also tormented by different illness. Laterly I also learned my paternal auntie was in a great disappointment for my not visiting, but I didn’t visit her after all. Upon seeing my maternal uncles and aunties, I found the accusations upon me were well-founded. It was stupefying to find out most of my uncles and aunties are in their 70s.

I went home this International Workers’ Day. The day before my leave, I heard my big grandmother (my grandfather’s sister-in-law, I always call her this way) was terminally ill. It was only a matter of time. Her brain was dead. I payed a visit to her that day. She was unconscious, she didn’t recogoize me or anyone. Yesterday (May 17th), I heard she’s gone.